I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
