She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
