I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
