my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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