someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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