did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
