on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
