you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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