just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is the high leading the old right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
