he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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