Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
