Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
