just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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