I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
