i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
