So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
