This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
