He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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