I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
