maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
