and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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