I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
nutella sex= disaster
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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