I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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