You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
