I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
