i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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