my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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