Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
