Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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