I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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