Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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