Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
