i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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