I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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