We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
