my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
