Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
People in love make me want to vomit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Randomize
