I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
