Already got asked if we're dating
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
