sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
