Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
