It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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