I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
