please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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