Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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