Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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