Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
