I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
