Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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