Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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