just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
