im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
