Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
