We won't sleep together?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
