She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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