went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
