Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
