I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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