There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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