sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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