after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
