Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
now i know why i became what i already was.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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