He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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