What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
